Freya
by Catherine4
Summary: Adam and Hailey's daughter is sick. By her hospital bedside, they think back over key moments of her life so far. *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

_I wrote a story a while back called 'A Light in the Distance' in which Hailey and Adam found themselves pregnant and ultimately decided they weren't ready to be parents. But I've been wondering ever since what it would be like if they were parents. So, this is that. But of course, I couldn't make it easy. This is an angsty one. I'm not sure why I do this too myself really, but I just started writing and before I knew I had 3,000 words so I just kept going. _

_I wrote a lot of this in one go, but it's too long to post in one part. There will probably be three of four parts. Thank you in advance for reading. If you like it, I hope you will continue. Part 2 will be posted in a couple of days._

* * *

"Adam, you need to come. She's here and she's very sick."

The tone of Rachel's voice sent a jolt through Adam's body and he froze with fear. This couldn't be it, it couldn't. But the tone of the nurse's voice was all too familiar to him. This wasn't the first time he'd heard a medical professional speak to him this way. But this was different. If it was Rachel who was calling him, it must be serious.

"I'm coming baby."

Adam bolted out of the District and into his car and honestly couldn't remember if he told anyone where he was going or if he even saw anyone on his way out. But his colleagues all knew there was only one reason he'd run out in the middle of a working day and he knew from experience they would all understand. This wasn't the first time.

Adam raced through the doors of Lakeshore Emergency Department breathless but alert, his adrenaline pumping.

"Adam." Rachel saw him from the nurses station and rushed over. "We've stabilised her for now, they're getting ready to move her upstairs." She spoke slowly, holding Adam's arms firmly to try and calm him down. "I was just coming on shift when the ambulance brought her in."

Adam nodded but it was clear he was only half-listening, his mind was already in the ICU with the most precious thing in his life who was poorly and needed him. Rachel reached up and touched his cheek gently. The gesture made Adam finally focus on her face.

"Can I see her?"

Rachel took her boyfriend's hand and kissed it. It was shaking. "Of course. We moved her to a side room for privacy. Hailey is in there with her."

Adam nodded. He wouldn't expect Hailey to be anywhere else. He took a deep breath to steady himself and he could feel his heart rate begin to return to normal. He needed to be calm, no matter how scared and panicked he felt inside there was someone else who was surely feeling worse. Adam knew he needed to be the strongest person in that room. His girls needed him.

'I'm not your girl anymore.' Adam heard Hailey's voice in his head. But she was. In moments like this she would always be his girl. She was the mother of his child and he still cared about her. Their little girl was sick and she was the only person in the world who could understand exactly what he was feeling. Their romantic relationship may have ended but they would forever be a bond between them. Adam wouldn't have it any other way.

Hailey looked up when she heard the door open and she smiled weakly when she saw who it was. She looked exhausted, she had bags under her eyes and her eyes were red from crying. There were still tears drying on her face. "She was having trouble breathing but they say she's stable enough not to need intubation at this point. They just put a tube in her nose to help her breathe."

Adam walked around to the side of the bed and put his hand on Hailey's shoulder. "That's good." Adam looked down at his four year old daughter. She looked paler and more fragile than he had seen her in a long time and it broke his heart. "What happened?"

Hailey took her eyes off Adam and resumed the vigil over her child. "I don't know. She was fine, she went downhill so quickly." Hailey's tears flowed again and Adam wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She didn't fight it, she didn't have the energy.

"It can happen that way" Adam said sadly. "Her heart's just too weak."

"She was fine this morning. After you left she was alert and happy. But she went down for a nap and when I checked on her ten minutes later I knew something was wrong."

Adam bent down to kiss his daughter on the forehead. "Hi princess" he said softly. His lips brushed her forehead and he stroked her hair. Freya didn't stir.

On a good day the little girl was so full of life, despite all her problems. Sometimes they could pretend that nothing was wrong. But deep down her parents knew that there were many things very very wrong, her weak heart was just one of those things. Freya was perfect, in all the ways that made her the person she was, but keeping her something close to healthy had been a battle ever since she was born.

"The cardiologist said he there were a few things they could try, but she might need an operation, Adam." Hailey crumpled forward then, her head rested on the mattress of the bed Freya was lying on. She looked so tiny lying on the bed meant for an adult. They had known another heart surgery was a possibility all along, but held out hope that it was a last resort and they weren't there yet. But that last resort seemed to get nearer every day.

Adam rubbed Hailey's back to try to sooth her. "Hey, shhh." There was no good saying everything would be okay. He knew better than that and he didn't want to lie to her. "Have you eaten?" He asked. "Have you slept?"

Hailey shook her head. When did she have time for that when she didn't want to take her eyes off Freya for a single second?

"You need to look after yourself too" Adam said.

Hailey shrugged. She didn't answer right away but when she did it wasn't the answer Adam wanted. "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"I do though" he said. "Always." Adam sat down heavily in a plastic chair that was positioned by the bed. "God, look at her. I feel so helpless. I wish I could do more."

Now it was Hailey's turn to comfort Adam. She fought it sometimes, he wasn't hers to cling to any more. Their relationship had ended, the strain of having a special needs child was just too much for their relationship to survive. But since the day Adam moved out, he'd proved time and again that he wasn't only there for Freya but for Hailey too. He'd bought a place only a couple of blocks from the house they used to share. He was there every day when Freya woke up, or to make her dinner, or to supervise bath time and tuck her into bed. Hailey could see what a great father he was every time he watched the two of them together. The fact that he was there for his daughter wasn't a surprise to Hailey, but the fact he was still there for her was.

"There's nothing more you can do, Adam. There's nothing more either of us can do." Hailey sounded hopeless. Adam wanted to shake her and tell her to keep believing but it would sound false, because he was feeling the same.

"I could. I know I could help out more. Work less hours, take her some days to give you a break. You're with her 24/7, the few hours each day I'm there isn't enough."

"You have to work, Adam. We need the health insurance." Hailey shrugged and made a face that said 'it is what it is' and Adam cursed the policy makers that forced him to choose between paying for healthcare and being there for his family. After her official maternity leave had ended, once they realised the level of care that Freya would need went beyond that of a typical child, Hailey made the decision not to go back to work. She put her career on hold. Adam had just made detective and it seemed like the sensible thing to do, but a little part of Adam had envied that choice. The first time Adam went back to work after Freya was born was so hard, all he wanted to do was stay at home and care for her.

Adam stood and started pacing the room but finally he stopped and took a deep breath. Getting agitated wouldn't help, getting angry at faceless bureaucrats wouldn't help. Hugging Hailey and holding Freya's hand probably wouldn't help that much either in the grand scheme of things but that's what he did. Adam draped one arm over Hailey's shoulders and took his daughter's little hand in his.

"It's not fair" Hailey said. "She's had so much shit to deal with in her life. Why is this happening?"

Hailey looked at Adam with pleading eyes. There was no reason, other than the universe is cruel and life is unfair. But he knew what was coming next and hugged Hailey tighter with the fierceness of a lion protecting his pride.

"It's my fault" Hailey said in a small voice. It wasn't the first time Adam had heard this and it probably wouldn't be the last. But he replied in the same patient understanding way he always did.

"It's not" he said. "It's not."

* * *

"_Shit. Shit."_

_Hailey sat on the edge of the bath staring down at the word that had appeared in the little window and changed her life forever. "Shit." She covered her mouth with her other hand but it was too slow to stop a sharp gasp escaping her lips._

_A moment later where was a knock at the bathroom door and Hailey nearly jumped out of her skin. She thought she was home alone, Adam was supposed to be out for a drink. She'd heard him leave, but was too distracted to hear him return. It was a Saturday, a day off for both of them, and Hailey had been distracted all day, wanting desperately to find out one way or the other if what she feared was true, but she wanted to be alone when she did._

_Where she was with Adam, a year and a half into a relationship and sharing a house, was further than she had ever got with a guy before. Every single step was huge for her, every day she opened herself up a little more and allowed him into her life and into her heart. But still in times of crisis, her first instinct was to deal with it alone. Hailey didn't think that would ever change, it was fundamental to who she was. And that's what she was doing now, or trying to._

_She had hoped that if the test was positive she would have at least a couple of hours alone to process the news before Adam came home, but here he was, merely a minute after she'd received the news herself._

"_Hailey? Are you alright in there?"_

_Hailey took a deep breath. "Yeah. I just feel nauseous." That wasn't a lie, she had felt sick to her stomach all day, but whether that was due to morning sickness or nerves she couldn't say._

_Hailey put the test down on the window sill and splashed water on her face while she figured out a strategy. The old Hailey Upton would have pushed all her current feelings deep down inside herself and deny that anything was wrong. The old Hailey would probably bolt from the house and try_

_to run away from her problems._

_But that wasn't who she was anymore. She loved the man knocking gently on the other side of the door and she could just imagine the look of concern on his face, the way his brow furrowed and his eyes closed slightly whenever he was worried about something. She felt like crying._

_She took a final look at herself in the mirror and, her hands shaking, picked up the test. When she unlocked the bathroom door with a click, Adam was standing in the hallway, still wearing his jacket, with the very same look of worry on his face as Hailey had imagined._

"_Hey, what's the matter darlin'?" Adam could tell straight away that something had happened._

_Hailey slipped the test into her jeans pocket. She wanted to stall, just a little longer, just until she felt a little less panicked. "I didn't think you'd be home so soon."_

"_My cousin's kid is sick, he had to cancel. I didn't really want to drink alone so I thought we could have a quiet night in."_

_Adam smiled cautiously and stepped towards Hailey holding his arms out for an embrace. But Hailey side stepped his advance and walked quickly into the bedroom they shared, tears forming in her eyes._

_Adam followed her, more concerned than ever. "Hailey, talk to me. What's wrong?"_

_Hailey sat down heavily on the mattress and put her face in her hands. Adam sat down beside her and gently rubbed her back. Overwhelmed, Hailey laid her head on his shoulder and tried to keep her tears at bay. She wasn't exactly upset, they were more tears of shock and frustration that they could have let this happen. Without knowing what was wrong, Adam hugged her tighter._

_Hailey knew it was stupid, but in that moment she really was scared about how Adam would react. But she couldn't lie to him, it wouldn't be fair. She reached around and pulled the pregnancy test from her back pocket. She held it out for Adam to see._

"_Oh my god" Adam said. His tone was one of pure shock. He took the white plastic device from her and peered closely at the digital display as if to really check it said what he thought it said._

"_Yeah" was all Hailey couldn't mange to say. They both sat there for a second in stunned silence._

_Hailey felt herself begin to lose the battle to stay calm and the panic she had been trying so desperately to hold off rose within her. She stood up abruptly and began pacing the room. Adam watched her, still clutching the test._

"_I can't be pregnant, Adam. I can't. I don't want a baby, I never have. I can't believe this is happening."_

_Adam stayed calm. She didn't try to go to Hailey then, he knew her well enough to know that she would calm down in her own time once she'd had a chance to vent, and her usual level-headed rational self would return._

"_We can't keep it." Hailey stopped and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "I wish this wasn't happening."_

_Hailey looked at Adam with a mixture of annoyance and helplessness and Adam took that as his cue. He tossed the test onto the bedsheets and went to her. _

"_It will be alright, you know" he said. "Whatever happens, it will be alright."_

_Hailey buried her face in his chest. Her voice was muffled when she repeated "I don't want a baby."_

_Adam wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Shhh, stop. You're in shock. We don't have to talk about this now, we have plenty of time." Adam didn't read too much into Hailey's words, she was in shock. He was too, honestly, but he recognised that Hailey's emotions in this situation would be heightened, it was only natural. Once she had calmed down and got used to the idea, they would have a proper conversation about this new and unexpected twist in their relationship. But for now they just stood in the middle of their bedroom floor hugging._

* * *

Hailey looked into Freya's beautiful face and stroked her silky blonde hair where it splayed out over the pillow. She'd had this conversation with Adam so many times, she felt like she was stuck on repeat. But the guilt she felt had never left her, and even now after all they'd been through. Hailey still trusted Adam enough to feel safe saying the words again without fear he would pass judgement.

"I didn't want her, Adam. The very day I found out I was pregnant my first instinct was to get rid of the baby and pretend it had never happened. How could I do that? What kind of mother does that make me?"

"You're an amazing mother, Hailey. And it isn't your fault."

"I feel like I'm bring punished. And my baby girl is the one that's suffering."

Adam reached over to stroke Freya's hair too and his fingers brushed Hailey's. "Freya's conditions are random, okay? The doctors have always said that everything that's wrong with her was determined the moment she was conceived. Nothing you did caused this. Nothing."

Hailey was silent and tears streamed down her cheeks. "She's so sick Adam. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take."

Adam wiped tear from his own cheek quickly. He didn't want Hailey to noticed, although he realised that was stupid. Over the last 4 years they'd seen each other cry countless times and held each other while they did, their tears mingling together in their shared moments of anguish. Every piece of bad news they'd ever got about their daughter they had gotten together, and after every test result and doctors appointment they'd cried for Freya and all the pain she was going through.

"You're stronger than you know" Adam said. "You have no idea."

Hailey shook her head. She didn't feel strong, she felt a wreck. And despite the words of comfort that Adam spoke with conviction, just the same as all the other times they'd had this conversation, or a version of it, Hailey couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she was to blame after all. Science told her that Freya's genetic conditions were a random and cruel throw of the dice, but in the depths of her heart she didn't believe it.

* * *

_Hailey had come around, as Adam suspected she might. "We can do this, can't we?" she asked him one afternoon, her eyes shining. "Right? I love you, and you love me I think, and we're adults and more than capable of raising a child."_

"_Absolutely" Adam replied, taking Hailey by the shoulders, his face inches from hers. "On all counts." He kissed her, and the smile that was creeping onto Hailey's face all the while burst open and Adam thought his heart might explode too._

_That was a couple of weeks before the worst day of either Hailey or Adam's lives up to that point. The day they'd walked into the OBGYN office full of excitement and hope for the future and left feeling helpless and crushed._

_Hailey sat in the doctor's office and Adam held her hand so tightly her fingers were beginning to go numb, but she didn't care. It matched the feeling in her gut that something was very wrong. The nurse that had settled them into the room was hiding something and they knew it, despite her effort to be cheerful. She had offered them water with a smile and told them the doctor would be in any moment, but she wouldn't make eye contact and left in a hurry. Adam and Hailey had both been cops long enough to read a person's body language for clues, and every clue they were being given hinted that there was a problem. But as they waited for the doctor in charge to come and see them, neither of them knew the extent of what was in store._

_After what felt like years the doctor entered and closed the door behind him deliberately and calmly. "I'm afraid it's not good news" he said. Hailey remembered appreciating that he was cutting straight to the chase. She had no time for bullshit in any area of her life. She looked at Adam in alarm._

"_I have the results of the genetic test we did, and I've had a good look at the latest ultrasound we did and we've identified a few problems with your baby."_

"_Is she dead?" Hailey blurted out. The pronoun just slipped out, they didn't know the gender of the baby then, but Hailey had a feeling all along it was a girl._

_The doctor smiled sadly. "No, the baby is alive. But you need to prepare yourself."_

"_Please just tell us doc" Adam said. His voice wavered. It was the most frightened Hailey had ever seen him._

"_I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your baby has Down Syndrome. Not only that, the scans show some heart abnormalities that may turn out to be life threatening. I know this news is a shock, I truly am sorry." After a respectful moment of silence, the doctor pushed his chair away from his desk so he could stand up. "I'll leave you both alone for a minute. When you're ready I'll go through your options with you. But take your time. Whenever you're ready."_

_For two days, Adam and Hailey didn't talk about it. They went about their days in subdued but not uncomfortable silence. They each needed time to process what the doctor had told them separately, they understood without saying it that neither of them was ready to talk straight away. Instead they let each other know in a hundred silent says, with a cup of tea or a hold of the hand, that they were there for each other._

_Hailey to broached the subject one night when they were lying in bed. "I was doing some research" she said quietly. "Do you know how many parents choose to terminate when they receive the diagnosis of Down Syndrome?"_

_Adam closed his eyes and nodded. He'd been doing some research of his own. "Yeah, I do."_

"_It's a lot. I know that's what I said I wanted, when I'd just found out I was pregnant. But Adam, I don't know if I can do it."_

_Adam hadn't realised he was holding his breath until a deep sigh of relief escaped his mouth._

"_This baby's real" Hailey said. It seemed like a stupid thing to say, it was obvious, but she grabbed Adam's hand under the covers and placed it on the slight swell of her belly. "I can feel them in there. Whatever is wrong with them, it doesn't mean we'll love them any less. It's our child."_

_Adam held Hailey tightly. It scared him to love this child too much, when they had very little idea what lay in store for them if they continued down this path fate had set them on. "It will be hard" he said. He wasn't trying to put Hailey off, but was simply trying to prepare her with words of caution before they leapt into the unknown._

"_Probably. But it feels right, doesn't it?" The enormity of the decision they were making was not lost on Hailey. She craned her neck around to try and read Adam's expression and gain some insight into what he was feeling. What she saw on his face was relief, and just a hint of excitement._

"_What are we going to tell people? I'm not sure I could stand any looks of sympathy and pity."_

_It was just like Hailey to start thinking of the practicalities, but Adam felt a duty to stop her racing ahead. "Steady. Very few people even know you're pregnant. We don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. Just one step at a time."_

_Adam could tell Hailey was trying to be brave, that she was just as frightened as he was and was trying not to show it. _

"_We're doing this" Hailey said. It was a statement, not a question, but she still sought reassurance._

_Adam replied anyway, with a firm kiss to the top of her head. "I love you so much."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Adam stepped out of Freya's room in paediatric ICU straight into the arms of his girlfriend.

"Hey" Rachel said, hugging him. "My shift is almost over. How's Freya?"

"There's no change. But she's not worse, so that's something." Adam looked at his watch. "It's morning already?"

"Yeah. Have you been up all night?"

Adam ran his hand through his hair. "I guess so. Time stands still in this place, I had no idea it was so late."

Rachel looked over Adam's shoulder through the glass window in the door. Freya lay still, tubes and wires linking her to machines that were monitoring every function in her body. Beside the bed, Hailey dozed, her head resting on a pillow wedged against the wall.

"Hailey's sleeping, that's good."

Adam nodded sadly. "Yeah. She's exhausted. How long until morning rounds? I want her to sleep as long as possible, she needs it." He turned to look at Hailey too. She didn't exactly look peaceful, but she at least looked less distraught than she had for the last 15 hours while she'd been awake. If the doctors had more bad news for them about Freya's condition, he wanted to spare her from it for as long as possible.

"About half an hour" Rachel replied. "How are you doing?"

"I'm worried" Adam admitted, "but I'm alright. I'm used to this." Rachel rubbed Adam's back soothingly. It was small comfort when his daughter was so sick but he appreciated the gesture.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee, or breakfast? The cafeteria should be opening up soon."

Adam felt too sick to think about eating, but he knew he needed to keep his strength up. Who knew what the day ahead had in store? "Thank you" he said, hugging Rachel back. "A coffee would be great. And maybe some eggs or toast for Hailey."

"No problem" she said. He released her and she reached up and stroked his face.

"I have to get back in there" Adam said. His tone was apologetic, but Rachel nodded encouragingly.

"Go" she said with a smile. "I'll be back soon."

Adam crept back into the room as quietly as he could and resumed his vigil over the sleeping Freya from the opposite side of the bed from Hailey. He felt helpless. He was used to working a problem, solving a case, doing some good in the world. Sitting around and waiting to see if his baby girl would wake up and be okay was agonising.

Hailey stirred and sat up, dazed.

"Good morning" Adam said. He spoke quietly, wanting to ease Hailey back into consciousness.

"How is she?"

"No change."

Hailey took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay Hailey. You need to sleep. I was watching her. You know I'd wake you if anything happened."

Hailey smiled weakly. She knew. If she could count on Adam Ruzek for anything it was too watch over their little angel and protect her no matter what.

"Rachel went to go and get us some breakfast. You should eat something."

"Rachel's here?"

"She was on a night shift. She was there when you came into the ER. You don't remember?"

Hailey shook her head. Yesterday was a blur, she didn't remember much of anything from the moment she found Freya unresponsive. She was so focused on Freya and what was happening with her, that very little in the periphery registered. But she did remember Adam being there. Adam was always there.

Freya's little chest rose and fell gently and rhythmically. It was comforting. As long as there was air in her lungs and a heartbeat in her chest, she was still alive and there was still a chance.

"She's strong" Adam said. "We've been here before and she's got better and come home. It will happen again."

Adam wasn't sure if he was saying those words to convince Hailey or himself. But he felt like projecting the idea out into the universe couldn't hurt. They were both quiet, letting the words hang in the air.

"Do you want to go and freshen up before the doctors come by? I'll stay with Freya, I promise."

Hailey nodded and stood up slowly. All her joints were stiff from not having moved for hours and her whole body ached. She had to walk past Adam to reach the door and as she passed him, he reached out and took her hand.

* * *

_The tiny being lying in the incubator in front of Hailey looked like a doll, not a living child. But she was. She was Hailey and Adam's child. That fact alone was overwhelming. Born too soon by emergency c-section and clinging to life by the fingernails from her very first breath, the doctors had only given the little girl a slim chance of life. But here she was, one week later, gaining weight and strength, and improving every day._

_Her lungs were under-developed and her immune system was at risk. No one had been allowed into the room unless sterilised, and while Hailey was recovering herself from the operation, she had to make do with hourly skype updates from Adam and far too many photos on his iPad to count._

_But now here she was, right in front of Hailey's eyes, and Hailey still couldn't believe that she was a mother, that she had a daughter. It was all so surreal. "Can I touch her?" she asked the nurse on duty._

"_We can do better than that. I think she's well enough for a cuddle" the kindly NICU nurse said with a smile._

_Hailey looked up, her eyes wide with a mixture of fear and excitement. "Really?"_

"_Absolutely. Just for a little while. Here, take this pillow." She placed the pillow on Hailey's lap and walked to the incubator._

_Hailey looked around for Adam, and saw that he was standing right beside her with a grin on his face and tears in his eyes._

"_Are you sure? She's so tiny, I'm scared I'll break her."_

_The nurse unclipped the door at the side of the incubator and lifted the baby, careful not to dislodge any of the wires or tubes she was connected to. "Don't be scared. These little ones are tougher than they look."_

_Hailey began to cry. But for the first time all week, they were not tears of fear or pain, she was just so overwhelmed with emotion there was nothing else to do. She felt Adam plant a kiss on the top of her head but all she could look at was the baby. Her baby._

_The tiny creature was placed in Hailey's arms and she took a deep breath. Hailey never thought kids would factor into her life, she thought long ago that her career would always come first, that nothing in her life would be more important than that. She was wrong. Nothing now mattered more than this little girl. She was a mother now, and whatever conditions this child had, whatever other facts about this whole situation were, that simple realisation was the most overwhelming of all._

_Adam crouched down beside Hailey and gently stroked the baby's cheek. "Hey baby girl" he said quietly. He sounded just as shocked as Hailey felt. _

"_Have you chosen a name yet?" the nurse asked. "It would be nice to call her something other than Baby Girl Upton."_

"_Ruzek" Hailey said. "That's her last name." She smiled at Adam but looked quickly back to the baby. Hailey felt like she could stare at her forever and never grow tired of it. "We have some ideas, but I couldn't name her without meeting her first."_

_Adam put his arm around Hailey. "You can choose, you did all the hard work. I like all the ones on the list."_

_Hailey smiled, testing out all the names in her head to see which suited the baby most. Finally, she nodded, certain she'd made the right choice. "Freya. Her name is Freya."_

* * *

"Every day I wonder if we did the right thing, bringing her into the world when we knew what lay ahead. Was it selfish? At the end of the day Freya's the one who is suffering and in pain. We may be her parents, but what right did we have to make that choice?" Hailey's fears streamed out of her in a torrent of words the way they did when she was frightened or nervous.

Adam was patient, over the years he'd learnt the best way to calm Hailey down. They were not as close as they once were, but he still knew her. He hoped he still had the power to comfort her as he once had. "You can't think like that, Hailey. She deserved a shot at life just like anybody else. I don't regret our decision, not one bit, and I know you don't either."

Hailey wiped the tears from her eyes. "I don't. But it's so hard, and there are some days when I think all the stress and the strain might break me. But then I hear her laugh, or I see her smile, and all that melts away. I can't imagine my life without her."

Adam stared down at Freya. Her little face showed the world clearly what condition she had, to many she would appear flawed, damaged, but to her mommy and daddy and everyone else who loved her, she was perfect. Adam and Hailey didn't see what everyone else saw, all they saw was their daughter. The way her eyes lit up when she heard music and she wold start dancing and giggling no matter where they were. How she loved colours and could be mesmerised for hours by a rainbow pin-wheel or a colourful poster on the side of a bus. They saw the million little things that made her who she was, and the only thing they would change was her damaged organs that all too often got in the way of her living the life she enjoyed so much.

Another tear slid down Hailey's cheek. She couldn't imagine her life without Freya, but she was all too aware that one day she may have to. She knew she had to stay positive, that it wouldn't do Freya any good if she lost hope. But Hailey had spent every single day of Freya's life so far expecting the worst and doing everything in her power to prevent it from happening. She supposed that was the reality for every parent, whether their child was sick or healthy. Hailey would never know. Lord knew she could never go through this again.

Adam's phone vibrated in his pocket. "It's my dad" he said when he read the message. "He wants to know what's happening. He asked to come down."

Hailey shook her head. "I don't want anyone here. Please. I'm sorry, I know everyone's worried, but I can't…" Hailey started to breath in short sharp breaths and Adam immediately put his phone away and went to her, walking around to her side of Freya's bed to stand beside her.

"It's ok, I'll tell him no. It's alright Hailey."

"I can't face anyone. I know they all care about Freya too and want to help, but it's too much."

"Hailey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. Everyone will understand. If you want some time alone, just say. I can go right outside."

"No. You should be here."

It was true, part of Hailey wanted to be alone, but Freya was Adam's child too and she would never dream of preventing him from being by her side. It was more than that though, if Hailey was honest with herself, she wanted him there.

They hadn't been together for a long time. By the time their relationship broke down, the stress of Freya's illness and trying to keep it together became too much to bare. They were arguing constantly and no one was happy, least of all Freya. They realised that in trying to salvage their relationship they were doing more harm than good and they had called it a day. But in breaking up, a strange thing happened. They found that without the complications of romance they were stronger, as individuals and as parents. Their new dynamic worked and in times like this there was no one else Hailey would rather lean on.

* * *

"_Good morning. Happy birthday."_

_Adam woke Hailey with a kiss and she smiled. "What time is it? Shouldn't you be at work?"_

_Adam shook his head. "I've got the whole day off. I wanted to spoil you."_

_Hailey sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "Is Freya awake?"_

"_Not yet. We've got some time."_

_Hailey had seen that naughty glint in Adam's eye many times. "Have we got time for that?" she asked with a laugh as he kissed her neck._

"_There's always time for that. But first…" Adam rolled off her for a second and opened the top drawer of his nightstand._

_Hailey caught a glimpse of a velvet box as he rolled back over. "Adam…"_

"_Relax, it's not what you think it is." He gave Hailey a peck on the lips and settled down beside her. "I know you don't want a ring, as much as I want to give you one. But that doesn't mean I can't buy you diamonds."_

_Hailey opened the box. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet. "It's beautiful. I don't know what to say. Thank you."_

"_You're beautiful. And you're very welcome."_

_Hailey placed the box aside and pulled Adam's face down to meet hers. "I love you." There was a time when saying those words to this man seemed like the hardest thing in the world, but Hailey had been through so much since she couldn't remember why. The last 18 months since their daughter was born had contained some of the most joyous and the most heart-breaking days of Hailey's life. But today was a good day, she could feel it._

"_I love you too." Adam ran his hands through Hailey's hair and looked into her eyes. She was beautiful and he couldn't believe his luck. But he also knew how much that soppy stuff embarrassed her, so instead he pushed her back into the pillows and kissed her deeply._

_The baby monitor sparked to life and Adam groaned. "Don't move" he said, "I've got this."_

_Hailey lay back, content and smiling, and watched him walk out the room. She could hear Freya's babbling over the baby monitor and then Adam speaking to her from the nursery. "You sure can pick your moments, missy" he said. Hailey imagined him scooping the toddler from her crib and holding her high I the air the way she loved. "Alright, I guess you're up now huh? Let's go wish Mommy a happy birthday."_

_Later that day, Hailey watched Freya toddle towards the slide, holding Adam's hand. The sun was shining and it seemed like the whole of Chicago had chosen to spend the day in the park. It was noisy and hectic, but Hailey didn't care. The rest of Chicago could do whatever the heck it pleased, there were only two people she really cared about._

_Adam lifted Freya onto the top of the kiddie slide and held her steady as she descended into Hailey's outstretched arms. The pure joy on Freya's face was the best birthday present Hailey could ask for. Her little girl's laugh was worth a million diamonds as far as Hailey was concerned. She lifted Freya into the air and she clapped her hands for more._

"_Alrighty" Adam said, and as he took Freya from Hailey to go again, he beamed at Hailey and she knew he was enjoying this just as much. Moments like this made it all worthwhile. _

_Later still, Hailey walked into the kitchen to a scene of happy chaos. Fresh from a long hot shower, Hailey felt happy and refreshed and the sight of her two favourite people only added to that feeling. _

"_Smells good" she said, kissing Adam on the cheek. He stood at the stove stirring something in a pan._

"_Lunch" he said. "I'm making risotto and grilled chicken with asparagus."_

"_Fancy" Hailey said. She turned her attention to Freya sat on a play mat in the middle of the kitchen floor, surrounded by wooden spoons and upturned pans. She lowered herself to the floor and sat in front of her daughter. "Hey, are you helping Daddy cook?"_

"_She was" Adam said over his shoulder. "She got bored and wanted crayons."_

_Freya held an orange crayon out to Hailey and carried on scribbling on the note paper with the purple crayon clutched in her little fist._

"_I'm gonna need a new sous chef" Adam said jovially, stirring the risotto. "But she's happy, that's all that matters."_

_Hailey leant over and kissed the top of Freya's head, inhaling her scent, a mixture of talcum powder and baby shampoo. It was true. Freya was all that mattered._

* * *

"We were happy once weren't we?"

"Darlin', I've never been happier in my whole life as I was when we were together as a family."

It felt like days since they'd rolled Freya into this ICU room, and they were stuck in limbo. There had been no change in her condition for hours, she hadn't got worse but she hadn't got better either. She was stable, but not well enough for transfer to Med where her heart surgeon was based. The doctors at Lakeshore were great, but they didn't know Freya's history like Dr Phillips did. She had been Freya's doctor since the moment she was born, she had monitored her and operated on her ever since. They had spoken to Dr Phillips often since Freya came in. They were monitoring her closely for any signs of change, but still Hailey felt uneasy.

With nothing else to take their minds off their worries, Adam and Hailey tried their best to remember the good times, to hold onto them like to a boat in a storm. That day, Hailey's birthday, was one of the last truly happy days they could remember. Because it was only a few weeks later that Freya ended up in resus for the first time and everyone realised just how sick she was.

Thinking of the happy times brought tears to Hailey's eyes, but she never wanted to stop remembering. Especially when Freya was so weak and helpless now, she needed to remember those times she was full of life and curious about the world. She needed to believe there were days like that still to come.

Adam had been dozing, he hadn't slept properly for almost 40 hours, when he was woken up by Hailey gently shaking his shoulder.

"Adam. Dr Roberts is here."

Adam roused himself quickly and was immediately on alert. But the doctor's calm expression made him relax.

"It's good news" Dr Roberts said. "Her stats look good. We can start to ween Freya off sedation."

Adam heard Hailey left out a huge sigh of relief and instinctively he held out his arm to embrace her.

"I know it's scary" Dr Roberts continued, "and don't get me wrong, she's not out of the woods by any means, but she is improving. Let's take her off sedation and go from there, hopefully she'll wake up in a couple of hours."

The doctors and nurses left the room and Adam stood up, hugging Hailey out of pure relief. "She'll wake up" Adam said in a whisper, but Hailey wasn't sure whether he was saying it to her or himself.

She rubbed his back through his sweater. "I hope so."

A few minutes passed and still Adam held Hailey. He could hold her forever. He wanted to kiss her hair too, the way he always used to when she needed comfort. But it wasn't his place anymore. He released her and silently stepped away.

Hailey watched him pull over a chair and sit down beside Freya's bed and take her hand. She could tell that despite his best efforts to pretend otherwise, Adam was barely holding it together. When she came up behind him, his shoulders were tense under her hand, and while he didn't make any move to throw her off, he also didn't accept the gesture. Quick to dish out comfort to others, Adam Ruzek had a hard time accepting it himself.

They were both still figuring out where they fitted into each others' lives, where the new boundaries were that hadn't existed between them for a long time. It was a now familiar dance they did. Holding each other one minute like nothing had changed, and growing distant the next. It was exhausting, but neither of them knew how best to make things right.

Ignoring all the warnings in her head that were telling her to let Adam deal with his feelings in his own way, that it shouldn't be her comforting him, it should be Rachel maybe, or no one at all, she refused to leave Adam's side. "Listen, I remember all the reasons we can't be together. Things got bad and it was affecting Freya. She comes first, she has to come first. But that doesn't mean I stopped caring about you, Adam. I know how hard you try to be strong for us, but you've gotta let me be strong for you sometimes too. I know how much you love Freya, I know you must be feeling everything I'm feeling. Lean on me, accept my help. Please."

Adam said nothing, but a tear fell from his eye and landed on the bedsheet.

"Hey, you heard what the doctor said, and you said it yourself. She'll wake up."


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys. I apologise for the lack of updates to any of my stories recently, real life got in the way. I hope you enjoy this part. I think there will be one more chapter after this. Happy reading!

* * *

_Freya was at daycare the morning Adam moved out. Hailey didn't think she could bare the scene of her child clinging to the father she adored and crying when he left. They were both trying to make this as normal and pain free as possible, and this was the only way they knew how. Pain free for Freya that is, there was no chance in hell of this being pain free for Adam or Hailey._

_Adam felt numb as he methodically packed his clothes into a suitcase and hauled it down the stairs. He grabbed his toothbrush and razor from the bathroom too and that was that. He didn't need anything else, not at the moment anyway. In the hallway, Adam looked back into the house. Hailey was standing in the kitchen with her back to him. He approached her cautiously, it wasn't until he was right beside her that he realised she was crying._

_She was hunched over the sink but turned when she heard his footsteps. "I'm sorry Adam" she said. "I'm sorry."_

"_Hey, stop it. We've talked about this. We both decided, didn't we? It's for the best. We could keep trying, but we're both miserable." Adam came as close as he dared to Hailey, close enough to see the pained expression on her face and the tears glistening in her eyes. "Hailey, you know this is the right thing to do. If we stay together, we could end up hating each other in the end and I never want that, you mean too much to me."_

_Hailey knew everything Adam was saying was true but it didn't make it any easier. Things hadn't been going right in their relationship for months, and not a day had gone by recently without either an argument or stony silence. It wasn't fair on Freya. The little girl had noticed the atmosphere in the house and she was taking it badly. Usually a happy child, her tantrums had increased in frequency and intensity until she was so exhausted all she could do was sleep. It broke her parents' hearts that their shit was causing her sadness._

"_I think a little time apart would do us good" Adam said. "I'm not going far."_

_Hailey nodded slowly. She had even been to the apartment with him to check it was safe for Freya. Not that she didn't trust Adam, but she had to be sure. She feared what this decision would mean for Freya. As hard as they would try to keep things as ordinary as possible for her, kids knew when things were not right. It was usual for Adam to not be home during the day, he was often at work. But the mornings and nights, that would be the worst. If Freya clambered out of bed in the middle of the night seeking comfort from a nightmare and found only Hailey in her parents' bed, what would she think? It was just one of the possible scenarios Hailey was anxious about._

_In Freya's three years of life, Adam and Hailey had both grown used to people talking down to her, of strangers treating her like a baby even though she was a walking taking little person with an intelligent mind of her own. It was true, she was not a typical three year old, but she was smarter than a lot of people gave her credit for. Hailey knew that however hard she and Adam tried, Freya would realise something was wrong. It would take some time to adjust, for all three of them._

_Hailey followed Adam as he carried his bags to his car. He lifted them into the trunk and slammed it shut. Hailey stood on the curb, hands in her jeans pockets and her loose hair blowing in the wind. She smiled sadly. She didn't know what else to say._

_Adam went to her and, fearing he was overstepping but not really caring, he put his hands on Hailey's shoulders. "This is the right thing for our daughter" Adam said resolutely. He was firm, but his tone of voice didn't lack kindness. Hailey looked up into his eyes, wanting to believe every word he was saying. "Having two happy parents living a few blocks apart is better for her than having two miserable ones living under the same roof. We both know that's true."_

_Hailey sighed and dropped her gaze. "Take care of yourself, Adam."_

"_Hey" he said, giving her shoulders a squeeze. "I'll see you later. It's my turn to read a bedtime story right?"_

_Adam was true to his word. At 7pm on the dot he was back with a smile on his face for bath time. Freya was delighted to see him and ran at him when he entered the house, wrapping her little arms around his leg._

_Hailey watched him scoop her up and Freya had the biggest grin on her face Hailey had seen all day. Maybe this could work. Maybe._

* * *

"Freya's still not awake?"

Adam shook his head. "No, not yet. Part of me wants her to stay asleep. While she's asleep she isn't scared. She never copes very well when she wakes up in hospital."

Rachel was on her break, she didn't have long, but she had to come check on Adam. She knew what he was like, that he'd look after Freya and Hailey over himself. But he needed looking after too, and if he wasn't going to look after himself then she would. She came baring sandwiches and a coffee.

"Listen, tonight…" Rachel set the food and drink down on an empty chair in the corridor and put her arms around Adam.

"Ah, damn. Your parents. Dinner."

"It's alright, we'll do it another time. They'll come to town again."

"I'm so sorry, I've been so busy with Freya I completely forgot."

"You don't need to apologise, they'll understand. And I do too. I knew the deal when we first started dating, Adam. Freya comes first, as she should."

Adam put his arms around Rachel. "I feel like I'm neglecting you."

Rachel pushed him away gently and smiled. "You're not. I promise."

They were standing just outside Freya's room and both turned when the door to the ICU room opened and a redheaded nurse poked her head out. "Daddy? You might want to come in here."

Adam didn't need to be asked twice.

Freya groaned quietly as she began to wake up, disoriented but the bright lights and strange people standing around her. But she saw someone she recognised in the sea of unfamiliar faces and held her arms out for comfort. Hailey was more than happy to oblige.

"Hey sweetheart" she said. Tears of relief were welling in her eyes. Freya's whimpers grew more distressed as she came around and Hailey stroked the little girl's hair gently to try and soothe her. "Shhh, it's alright. Mommy's here."

Adam hung back, not wanting to overwhelm her anymore. He knew Hailey had this, so he let the mother daughter reunion play out. Adam threw his head back in relief. "Thank God" he said under his breath. He saw medical professionals fuss around Freya but all he really saw was his sweet baby girl snuggling into her mother's arms and he thanked the universe and whatever deity might be listening for another day with his daughter.

Dr Roberts slung his stethoscope around his neck and appeared at Adam's side. "She's not out of the woods yet but this is a good sign. We will have to run some more tests to know what exactly is going on. I'll order some scans and some blood work, but you should take a moment as a family."

The doctors and nurses filed out of the room and it was just Hailey, Adam and Freya alone. Adam sat down by the side of the bed and brushed a lock of hair from Freya's face. "Are you alright Sweetpea?" Adam planted a kiss on Freya's cheek. She didn't reply, she was too busy sucking on her thumb and burrowing into the soft fabric of Hailey's sweater. She looked so forlorn and lost and Adam struggled to hold back his own tears.

Hailey looked up and saw in his face exactly what she was feeling. "I know" she said. "But the doctor said she isn't in any pain. She'll be back to her normal happy self soon, I know it." Hailey paused and wiped her eyes with her sleeve then looked back down at Freya and began stroking her soft hair. "One of the worst parts about this is that she doesn't understand what's happening to her. When she wakes up in strange hospital rooms attached to machines, I see in her eyes how frightened she is and I can't explain to her that everyone is just trying to help her."

Adam spoke quietly so as to not disturb Freya. "You know what I think? As long as she knows we're here and that we love her, she will be fine."

Hailey smiled. "I'm not sure I will be though" she said, only half joking. "I'm not sure how many scares like this I can handle. I just wish the doctors could figure out a way to fix her heart so we can all get on with our lives. I feel like every day I'm just sitting around waiting for the next emergency."

"I get it, but you can't think that way. You'll drive yourself crazy. You should go home. Have a shower, change your clothes, whatever. You will feel better for it."

Hailey felt Freya move as she snuggled further into Hailey and she hugged her daughter tight. "I appreciate you looking out for me Adam, but I can't leave."

Adam nodded. He knew better than to push. "Alright, then I'll go get you a change of clothes." Adam kissed Freya and stood before Hailey could object. "I'll be right back, call me if anything changes."

* * *

_Adam rang the doorbell of the house he used to share with his family. It felt strange. He still had a key, Hailey never asked for it back and it made sense for him to keep one for emergencies, but this wasn't his home anymore, he couldn't just let himself in. _

_Hailey opened the door with a basket of laundry in her arms. She looked surprised to see him. "Adam. Hi. What are you doing here? Freya's with my Mom today, she won't be back until later."_

"_I know." Adam was nervous and Hailey picked up on this right away. "I actually wanted to talk to you."_

_Hailey hesitated but only for a moment. Something in Adam's body language told her he needed to get something off his chest. "Take a seat, let me get rid of this. Do you want a drink or anything?" Adam shook his head. He was jittery, it wasn't like him._

_Hailey returned a few minutes later without the laundry and sat down on the couch opposite Adam. "What's up?"_

"_Hailey, I've met someone. We've been dating a couple of months now. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I wanted to make sure it was something real before I brought it up." Adam paused. He was nervous and talking too fast so he took a deep breath to centre himself. "Her name is Rachel. She's a nurse at Lakeshore."_

_Through all this Hailey was looking past Adam at the wall. She didn't know how she felt or how she should feel, but she knew she didn't want to feel any emotions with Adam in the room._

"_I'm sorry I didn't tell you" Adam said again. "I don't want to hurt you."_

_Hailey blinked and finally looked at Adam. She forced a smile onto her face. "No, it's alright. I want you to be happy."_

_Adam knew Hailey. He knew she was putting on a brave face for him and regretted waiting so long to tell her about Rachel. But he also knew that she wouldn't want to unpack her emotions in front of him, so he would ask when he came to ask and leave her alone, however hard it was for him to do. "I'm telling you now because she's not working this weekend and I have Freya. I'd like to introduce them, but only if it's alright with you. I wouldn't have Freya meet her without checking with you first, it's a big decision and you deserve to have a say." Adam was rambling again but stopped himself. He looked at Hailey expectantly._

_They were quiet for a moment and Hailey looked away. "Thank you for asking" she said eventually. "Of course they can meet. I trust you Adam."_

_That Sunday afternoon when Adam brought Freya back home Rachel was with them. She hung back down the path as Adam came to the door. He seemed in a hurry to leave as he kissed Freya and handed her back, wanting to protect both women from any potential awkwardness, but Hailey watched Rachel where she stood a respectful distance from Hailey's house and thought this is what was awkward._

_Adam put Freya's bag down inside the door. "Bye trouble, I'll see you soon." He ruffled Freya's pigtails and turned to leave._

"_Stop" Hailey said quietly. In her arms Freya said something to Hailey. She hoisted her daughter more securely on her hip. "Just a minute baby" she said. She caught Adam's eye momentarily and called down the path. "Rachel."_

_Rachel turned, shyly. She smiled. She had kind eyes and an easy energy about her. Hailey liked her instantly. She hated that a little bit then felt guilty. _

"_Hi" Rachel replied when she reached the porch._

"_Look, I don't want things to be weird" Hailey said. She had butterflies. She found this harder than she thought she would but felt strongly that she needed to say it. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ok." Hailey looked at Adam too when she said this and hoped he believed her words._

_Rachel smiled. She tucked her long dark hair nervously behind her ears. "Thank you for letting me meet your daughter" she said. "She's wonderful."_

_Hailey smiled back, more genuine this time. Freya squirmed. "I should get this one to bed" she said. _

"_I'll wait in the car" Rachel said, realising Hailey and Adam probably needed to talk and tactfully making her exit. _

_Before she closed the door, Hailey turned to Adam. "I like her. I'm glad you're happy."_

_Adam didn't quite know how to react to this. He reached out to stroke Freya's back, their daughter between them serving as a convenient excuse not to show their emotions or really talk about what had just happened. This was probably the reason their relationship had ended in hindsight, the lack of communication at the end about anything other than Freya. But that was in the past, there was no going back. In the present Adam appreciated that Hailey was trying._

"_Thank you" he said. "For everything."_

* * *

"I'm sorry, you can't take her home yet. But Freya's vitals look good, she can breathe on her own. I think she's ready to leave ICU and be moved onto the regular ward."

Collectively, Hailey and Adam both let out the breaths they were holding. The doctor still spoke and while Adam listened attentively, Hailey let her mind wander. A few days ago Hailey was terrified that this could be it, that she could lose her little girl, but that wasn't going to happen today. That was all she needed to know for now, the details she would learn later.

Freya was sleeping and her parents were both standing at the end of the bed. After Dr Roberts left, they both looked at each other and smiled. Hailey was sure the look of pure relief on Adam's face was mirrored in her own. They hugged tightly and without reservation. There was so much that went unsaid between them, so many feeling they hid from each other, but this was one thing they could share openly and without fear. The knowledge that their little girl was getting better.

"I'm so relieved" Hailey said. "I really thought…"

"I know" Adam said. Unconsciously he rubbed her back in comfort. "I did too. Will you be ok for a minute? I should go and call Voight. I've not been to work in days, I should check in."

Hailey smiled as she released Adam from their embrace. "Of course. You should go and call."

Hailey felt a flood of affection for her old boss and colleagues. Above all else, they were her friends. When she quit Intelligence all those years ago and hung up her badge and gun for the foreseeable future, they were nothing but supportive. She felt glad too that Adam had them around for support too. She knew that she could still turn to them too, of course, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes she missed the closeness. The unit became like a family to her.

"How is everybody?" Hailey asked when Adam returned a few minutes later. "I haven't seen the guys in a while."

"They're good" Adam said. "They ask about you all the time."

Hailey knew she should feel guilty for not seeing her friends in a long time, but although part of her missed her old job it felt like a lifetime ago. She couldn't imagine going back to her old life.

"Kevin's birthday's coming up, we'll probably go out for drinks or something. You should stop by. Your Mom could watch Freya."

"Yeah, maybe" Hailey said, but her heart wasn't in it.

"I worry about you" Adam admitted. "I know you say Freya is your whole life and I get it, I really do. We both love her so so much. She's the most important thing in either of our lives and that will never change, but she's not the only thing. Having a friends, a job, a dating life won't change how much you love our daughter and no one will think badly of you if you want more."

Hailey heard Adam's words and they struck a nerve. Tears sprung to her eyes. He always did have a way of getting right to the bottom of how she was feeling, even when it hurt. "I can't Adam. Freya needs so much time."

"I'll help you. I'll step up more. I'll cut down my hours at work, take paid leave, whatever. I want to help you."

"There's no need" Hailey said. "I'm fine, really."

* * *

_Hailey dozed on the sofa with a glass of wine. A movie was playing on the TV with the sound turned down low, but she wasn't really watching it. She was enjoying the peace at the end of a hectic day so when a knock came at the door, it startled her. She set her wine glass on the coffee table and walked slowly to the door._

_It was Adam. He looked a mess. His clothes and hair were dishevelled and he looked like he badly needed sleep. It was also clear he had been crying, that was the detail that shocked Hailey the most._

"_Can I see Freya?" Adam leant on the door frame and looked at Hailey with an expression so desperate that it made her heart hurt. "Please, Hailey. I know how late it is, I know she's asleep, but I need to see her. I need to." A tear fell down Adam's face and he wiped it away quickly._

_They had a routine, they both agreed it was the best thing for Freya. She needed to know when she was seeing either of her parents, where she was staying on any given day, who would pick her up from nursery. For Adam to break that unwritten agreement and turn up unannounced something serious must have happened._

"_Ok" Hailey said. "But quietly. Please don't wake her."_

"_I won't" Adam said. "Thank you." He pulled off his boots in the middle of the hallway and raced up the stairs two at a time. Hailey followed him slowly._

_Adam stood in the doorway of Freya's bedroom, the door open just a crack. The soft pink glow from the nightlight illuminated her face as she slept peacefully. Just the sight of his daughter alive and safe was enough to calm him. He watched the little chest rise and fall as she slept and her eyelids fluttered slightly as if she was dreaming. Adam hoped they were good dreams. After today, he hoped harder than ever she would never have to go through what he witnessed today._

_Hailey hung back at the top of the stairs just watching Adam watch Freya. Eventually he pulled the door closed gently and turned around. They didn't speak, but Hailey held out her hand to him and gestured for him to follow her downstairs._

"_I'm sorry" Adam said, calmer now. "I know we have our rules for a reason, it won't happen again."_

"_It's alright" Hailey said. She could see how distressed Adam was, she wasn't about to add to it by laying down the law and telling him off. "What's happened? Did you have a difficult case?"_

_Adam nodded, but when he tried to speak, he found he was too choked up to get the words out. Hailey disappeared for a moment but then returned with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. She poured Adam a drink and handed it to him silently. He took a long swallow, and let the burning liquid slide down his throat. Hailey watched him, concern etched on her face._

"_A little girl was murdered today" Adam finally said. "She was only seven years old. I… I found the body."_

_Hailey was in the middle of pouring herself a glass of whisky too, but at Adam's revelation she abandoned her task and slid closer to him on the sofa. He was slumped forward with his head in his hands and Hailey put her hand on his back._

"_Oh, Adam."_

"_Antonio and Kev had to tell her Mom, I couldn't do it. But I heard the mother's screams, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget." Adam sat up and reached for the whisky bottle to pour himself another glass. Hailey let him. She knew what it was like when a case got under your skin and all you wanted to do was vent in any way possible. _

"_I kicked in the door to that apartment and she was just lying there. I really thought we'd find her in time Hailey. But we were too late."_

"_That's not on you, Adam" Hailey said. She knew Adam would be blaming himself because that's what she would have done._

_Adam sighed. "All I could think about was Freya. I had to know she was safe. I'm sorry for barging in on you like this, I'll get out of your hair."_

_Hailey grabbed Adam's sleeve as he made to stand and pulled him back down onto the couch. "Adam, I said it's alright."_

"_Her name was Amber. Amber Perez. Seven years old…"_

_Hailey put her arm around Adam then and held him as he cried._


	4. Chapter 4

_Guys. It's been over a month and I'm still not ok. The last scene of 6x20 was completely heartbreaking. I hope it's just a "break" and not a "break up" because that would totally totally suck._

_Anyway, here's the penultimate chapter of this story. I'm sorry it took so long, and I'm sorry this part is kind of short. I actually intended to only write one more but I started to write it and realised it would be so long I decided to post it in two parts and the end of this one seemed like the right place to break. The last part should be up at the weekend. Thank you for reading!_

**Part 4**

Hailey woke with a start when she felt someone touch her shoulder, but it was only Adam. She relaxed immediately. It took her a moment to get her bearings though. She was sitting on a bench outside the hospital. She had only meant to sit down for a second but from the shadows on the ground and the grogginess in her skull she knew it had been much longer than a seond.

"Oh God, did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah, kinda." There was a hint of good-natured laughter in Adam's voice but Hailey was too tired to notice.

"How's Freya?" Hailey bolted upright, ready to react but Adam gently put his hand on her shoulder.

"She's absolutely fine, don't worry."

"I'm so sorry" Hailey said and began to stand up. "How long have I been out here? I should get back inside."

By then Adam had walked around the bench and gently pulled Hailey back down as he sat. "It's alright Hailey" he said. She turned to him, guilt on her face.

"I should be inside with Freya."

"She has all the nurses wrapped around her little finger, I don't think she misses us one bit."

Hailey didn't try to stand up again but she fidgeted impatiently, her leg jittering. Without thinking, Adam put his hand on her knee to still it. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by either of them, but Adam made no move to pull his hand away and Hailey made no attempt to make him. The gesture was unexpectedly intimate, but they both found that it wasn't awkward or strange.

Their eyes met and Hailey smiled, a little sad and a little shy. Adam looked back at her with tenderness.

"You look exhausted" Adam said.

"Gee, thanks."

Adam sighed. "I didn't mean it like that" he said, but knew Hailey was only teasing him. She still looked beautiful, she always looked beautiful. "I'm worried about you, Hailey."

Hailey put her own hand on top of Adam's and gave it a squeeze. "You don't need to be. I'm fine."

"I don't believe you" Adam said calmly. "I know you're going to say that you're fine, that you don't need me worrying about you, that you're not mine to worry about any more, all that. But the thing is, saying all those things isn't going to change it. I still care about you Hailey, I never stopped. And I know how much all this is taking its toll on you, because it's taking its toll on me too."

Hailey looked down at the ground. She was lost for words. And she had never been very good at hiding her feelings from Adam, nor him from her.

Adam continued, choosing his words carefully. "I think you need something else in your life, Hailey. Work, or friends or even a date. If you don't have an outlet, you're going to break down. The pressure… it's too much. I know you love Freya more than life itself but you have to start living for you as well as her."

"I'm not sure I remember how" Hailey said. She looked up at Adam. "How did that happen?"

Life happened, that was the truth. Their beautiful, loving, brilliant but quite poorly little girl happened. Their break up happened. Life had a way of throwing you unexpected curveballs and you just had to role with it or risk getting hit in the face.

Hailey didn't leave her question hanging for too long. She didn't have an answer so she couldn't expect Adam to. "I used to know who I was with such certainty, ever since I was a little girl. I was driven and passionate and stubborn, I knew what I wanted."

"You are still all those things" Adam said. "Especially the last one." God knew, she was, but instead of channelling those traits into her work she put everything she had into being a mother and fighting for her child. It was to be admired, and Adam was in awe of her constantly, but eventually she was going to burn out. Adam couldn't let that happen. "Your whole life can't just be hospitals and playdates. If you don't look after yourself it's not good for Freya. She needs a happy healthy mother, Hailey. I need that for you too."

Hailey was crying. "I'm not sure I know who I am outside of being a mother."

Adam touched Hailey's arm tenderly. "Let me help you. I'll take a furlough from work, I'll help out with Freya more, whatever you need."

"You can't keep doing this" Hailey said, leaning into Adam's shoulder. "Rescuing me. I can't keep relying on you to hold me together, it isn't fair."

Adam put his arm around her. He would always be there for her, whether they were together or not. He didn't even need to say it out loud.

* * *

"_Are you crying?" Adam looked down at his girlfriend as the movie credits rolled and poked her playfully in the ribs._

"_No" Rachel said furiously, wiping the sleeve of her sweater across her face but she laughed and hid her face in her hands._

"_I didn't have you down at the type to get weepy at a movie." Adam teased her, but also squeezed her in an affectionate hug. They were curled up together on the sofa with the lights down low and a half empty bowl of popcorn beside them._

"_It caught me unawares" Rachel said. "I don't make a habit of it."_

"_Next time, I'm choosing. It won't be another soppy romance, I'm telling you that." Adam kissed her on the temple and extricated himself from their embrace. "Do you want another drink?"_

"_I better not" Rachel said through a yawn. "Work will be hell tomorrow if I'm hungover. Maybe some tea?"_

"_Coming right up."_

_There was a rapid knock at the door before Adam reached the kitchen and he looked at Rachel in confusion. She shrugged. It was his house. The knock cam again, faster and more urgent. Adam was suddenly cautious but he approached the door nonetheless and unfastened the catch._

_He found Hailey standing on his porch with Freya fast asleep in her arms. The little girl was cosy in her pyjamas and favourite snuggly blanket and looked as peaceful as she ever did when she was sleeping. By contrast, Hailey had a panicked look in her eyes that made Adam tense._

"_Hailey. What's happened? Is she okay?"_

_Hailey was breathing heavily and fought to get control of herself enough to speak. "Can you take her please?" _

"_Of course. Hailey, what's going on?" Adam gathered Freya into his arms and stared at Hailey, trying to get a read on her expression. She was undeniably upset and there was panic in her eyes too, but what shocked Adam was that she didn't look entirely with it, like her mind was racing away from her and she couldn't quite pull it back._

"_I can't do this right now. I need a break." _

_Satisfied Freya was safe with her father, Hailey turned to go but Adam wasn't having it and jogged down the steps after her. "Hailey, wait. What's going on?"_

_Hailey turned to back to them and there was such a pleading expression in her eyes that it caught Adam off guard._

"_I just need a night to myself, Adam. It's all got too much." She touched Freya's back lightly took a breath. "Just go inside Adam, put her to bed. I'll be fine, I promise."_

_Adam stood silently as Hailey climbed back into her car. He felt uneasy watching her go but he told himself there wasn't much he could do. He might have believed that too, if it wasn't for that clawing feeling in his gut that he was the only person Hailey had._

_Back inside, he closed the door quietly. Rachel was standing in the hallway and a confused expression crossed her face when she saw Freya._

"_What's happening Adam?"_

_Adam adjusted his grip on Freya, trying his best not to wake her. He marvelled at his little girl's ability to sleep through almost anything, and was thankful for it now. It upset her to see him and Hailey fight, and although that wasn't what this was, her little brain would just hear raised voices and see her mother upset and put two and two together._

_When Adam spoke, his voice was shaky. "I don't know. Hailey just brought her and asked if I could take her."_

"_Well, is she alright?"_

"_Freya?"_

"_No, dummy. Hailey."_

_Adam shook his head almost imperceptibly. "No, I don't think so."_

_Rachel unfolded her arms and held them out to take Freya. "Go after her then" she said. The way she said it made it sound like that was the only possible course of action but Adam hesitated, still holding his daughter._

"_I'll put Freya to bed, come on."_

_Adam knew she was right. Hailey hadn't seemed to be in any state to be driving and he would only spend the whole night worrying if he didn't do as his girlfriend said. He handed over Freya, blanket and teddy bear and all and grabbed his jacket. "I won't be long" he said._

"_Be as long as you need to be" Rachel said. "We'll be fine."_

_Adam took out his keys ready to jump in his own car and begin the search, but there was no need. He could see Hailey's car parked on the curb a little way down the street. _

_He walked towards her at a rapid pace, a little bit frightened about what state he might find her in when he reached the car. He rapped lightly on the passenger side window when came up alongside the window._

_Hailey startled, and wiped her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater. Adam took a step back and looked at her calmly through the window. He offered her the smallest of smiles. She turned away, embarrassed, and wouldn't look at him. But nor did she turn on the engine and try to drive away so Adam took that as a sign and boldly opened the door and climbed in._

"_I'm sorry" Hailey said. "I interrupted your evening. I didn't know what else to do."_

_Adam turned in his seat to face Hailey, although she couldn't look at him. "Looking after Freya is never and interruption, and you know you can always come to me any time. But I'm worried about you right now. Did something happen?"_

_Hailey was quiet but she finally met Adam's eye. "No. Not really. It's nothing and everything, a hundred little things day in and day out, today it just… today it became too much. It's not Freya's fault, of course it's not, but it's so hard. Tonight I just felt like I couldn't do it anymore. It got scared, so I brought her to you." Hailey wiped her eyes again, the torrent of words brought with them more tears. "That sounds awful. I'm a terrible mother."_

"_No. You're not." Adam had never meant anything more in his life. "You needed help and you found it, there's no shame in that."_

"_I'll probably be fine tomorrow. I'm just exhausted and emotional and need to hit the reset button… or something."_

_Hailey's words trailed off. Her head was mess and she didn't know what she wanted, beyond the comfort of knowing her daughter was safe. That at least would lift one worry from her shoulders. Hailey was coherent enough in her thoughts to recognise that in her current state of mind she couldn't be the best mother she wanted to be. She also knew she needed more support than Adam could give her alone but asking for help had never been her strong suit._

"_It will only be for the night" Hailey continued. "I promise. I think I just need to sleep."_

"_Can I drive you home?" Adam asked._

"_But Freya…"_

"… _Is with Rachel. She's safe. Let me do this for you. Please?"_

_Hailey nodded reluctantly and Adam got out of the car. He walked around to the driver's side and Hailey scooted over to the passenger side. By the time Adam had clicked his seatbelt into place and turned the key in the ignition, Hailey was slumped against the window asleep. He reached across her and buckled her in before pulling out into the quiet street._

* * *

"Dr Phillips. Hello." Hailey was surprised to see Freya's doctor from Grey Sloane walk though the door.

"I came to see my favourite patient, of course" she said. The tall brunette smiled at Hailey then Adam and the gesture put them at ease. The cardio surgeon had a way about her, she gave off an air of authority and calm. Freya absolutely adored her, much to Adam and Hailey's surprise. These hospital visits would be way more traumatising for her if she was frightened of her doctor and for that they were both eternally grateful.

Adam held out his hand and Grace Phillips took it. "Thanks for doing all you have to help the doctors here, we both really appreciate it."

"It's my pleasure" she said. "How's this little angel?"

Freya was dozing. She still was very low on energy and drifted in and out of sleep regularly. "She's better, I think." Hailey tried to smile. "At least, that's what they tell us."

"That's actually why I'm here. Dr Roberts thinks she's well enough to be moved to Med. If you want, of course. There we can talk about more treatment options that will hopefully provide more of a permanent solution."

Hailey swallowed. "More surgery?"

"Yes. But a surgery that will hopefully mean fewer hospital visits in the long run. I have a plan that I think would give Freya a shot at a much better quality of life."

That was all Hailey wanted, but it sounded too good to be true. Adam saw the fear in her eyes and spoke for both of them. "But there are risks, right? There always are."

Dr Phillips nodded. "There are. But I wouldn't be mentioning this to you if I didn't think I could pull it off. Listen, I'll fill you in on the details in a little while, I need to go and look at Freya's chart and order a few tests. Take a minute, talk. You don't have to make a decision right away" Now Dr Phillips saw fear on the faces of both Adam and Hailey and she employed the charm she used on both patients and family members alike. It was one thing to be a brilliant surgeon, but quite another to have such a good bedside manner. "I understand, I do. She's your little girl, you want what's best for her. Let me assure you, I want that too."

When they were alone again, Adam asked "What do you think?"

Hailey sighed. "I don't know, but I trust Dr Phillips. And I think I would feel better if Freya was at Med. The staff here have been wonderful, but…"

"I know. I agree." Adam walked up behind Hailey and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "Let's see what Dr Phillips says once she's studied her chart, one step at a time."

"I'm so worried about her, Adam. She's getting better now, but it feels like we're stuck on repeat. She gets better for a little while and then goes downhill again. Her little body is so fragile, what if she can't handle another operation?"

"We don't need to decide anything now. She's improving by the minute. This isn't like the other times, this isn't life or death. We have the luxury of taking the time to weigh up all the pros and cons."

"All I want is what's best for her. Sometimes I feel wildly underqualified to make that call."

"I don't think there's a single person on this earth that is fighting as hard as you are for our girl."

"That's not true. You're fighting too."

Adam took Hailey's hand then and kissed it. It felt like the right thing to do. It wasn't awkward, god knew it should be, for all the crap they'd gone through, but it felt like the most natural thing in the world to Adam. When Hailey looked at him her eyes were so filled with gratitude that he was here that Adam couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

Outside Freya's room, Rachel looked through the window. Her hand was poised to knock. She missed Adam, and she was worried about Freya too. She had five minutes to take a break and couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be. But she stopped, and couldn't bring herself to disturb the scene. Her heart gave a pang and she let her hand fall back by her side. Before Adam could look up and see her standing there, she turned and walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

_As promised! Sorry it took me a long time. This is it now. I hope you've enjoyed my story. This is a long chapter but this is the end. I hope you like it. Thank you all very much for reading._

**Part 5**

"Is that Daddy?"

"Yeah" Freya said, and held the drawing out to Hailey. Hailey laughed, and turned the page around to show Adam.

"Wow" he said. "Good job, Sweetpea."

"I think she's captured your likeness perfectly" Hailey said, teasing him. Her eyes sparkled with mischief, the way Adam remembered. He honestly didn't mind her teasing if it brought back some of the light in her eyes.

Adam squeezed Freya and plated a kiss on her hair. "I especially like my super long arms, those would definitely come in handy. And purple hair? Maybe I should try it."

Hailey caught Adam's eye and they shared a grin. Freya was well enough to sit up in bed and draw, and that was everything. She had woken up properly when Adam was out of the room and Hailey was dozing by the side of the bed. She had felt someone tapping her arm and opened her eyes to see Freya watching her curiously. Hailey was so relieved she could cry. It was one thing for Freya to be awake but groggy with medication and only half conscious, quite another for her to be alert and laughing and somewhat back to her usual self.

Hailey knew she was by no means out of danger, but there was now a glimmer of hope in the corrective surgery Dr Phillips had offered them and they had made the decision to trust Freya's doctor, transfer her to Med while she was well enough to cope with the journey and try what they could to improve her quality of life. Surviving wasn't enough, she and Adam wanted their little girl to have the chance to really live.

When Adam had walked back into the room, Hailey had practically thrown herself at him and probably scared him half to death thinking something terrible had happened, but then Adam saw Freya grinning at him from where she lay and realised Hailey was laughing and not crying.

Now the three of them sat on the bed, Freya snug between her parents. She was still weak and hooked up to monitors and machines, but she was more herself than she had been for days and that meant Hailey and Adam could finally breathe.

Hailey had her hand firmly on Freya's back, supporting her as she sat up, and when Adam hugged her, his hand brushed Hailey's. It was an accident, at first, but neither pulled away. Instead Hailey was shocked but not unpleasantly so when Adam wrapped his fingers around her own and held them there. She glanced across. Adam's attention was firmly on Freya and her drawing but nevertheless the gesture was clear. Hailey allowed herself a small smile.

"I'm sorry Adam" Hailey said quietly. Adam looked up at her in confusion. "Freya gets sick and I become a total mess. I lean on you too much, I know I do, but I'm going to try to get better."

"Hailey…"

"No, it's ok. You have a life now that doesn't include me. You have Rachel."

'_My life will always include you' _is what Adam wanted to say, but Hailey spoke again before he had the chance.

"Speaking of Rachel, when was the last time you saw her?"

Adam turned his attention back to Freya and his avoidance of the question was clear. He could feel Hailey's eyes boring into him and he sighed. "It's been a minute."

"Go and find her" Hailey said gently. "We'll survive for half an hour without you."

Adam saw that Hailey was smiling encouragingly. He nodded slowly. "Alright." Adam had been sitting down so long his legs had seized up but he heaved himself to his feet. He kissed Freya on the head. "Daddy will be back soon, darling."

As he got up to leave Hailey caught his eye. Something passed between them and it was strange. For the first time in a long time Hailey couldn't decipher the look Adam gave her. She didn't have time to ponder it for long as he was gone and it was only her and Freya in the room.

* * *

"_Look at you!" Hailey said, a mix of surprise and amusement on her face. _

_Adam stood on her doorstep soaking wet and she couldn't help but laugh._

"_Got caught in the storm, didn't I? And my damn umbrella broke." Adam help up the twisted contraption and tossed it to one side on the porch. He flicked his wet hair off his forehead._

"_Come in" Hailey said, stepping aside. "Try not to drip all over the floor." She grinned at him, and he scowled back. Or he tried to, it turned into a laugh when he caught sight of himself in the hallway mirror. He truly looked like a drowned rat._

"_Stay there, I'll get you a towel" Hailey said, and disappeared into the laundry room. She came back a minute later and offered him an oversized beach towel covered in flowers and hearts. "I said you didn't need to come" Hailey continued as Adam dried himself off. Her words were muffled as he had the towel over his head trying to squeeze the rain from his hair._

"_Are you kidding me?" He emerged from beneath the pink and purple towel. "Of course I was going to come. I wouldn't miss seeing my baby the night before her birthday. The traffic is terrible, so I thought I'd walk. I didn't realise quite how bad the weather was."_

_Both of them looked down to where Adam was standing in a puddle and burst out laughing. Hailey was touched that Adam would brave the elements to keep a promise. Touched, but not at all surprised._

"_She's playing in her room right now" Hailey said. "She's been a little ball of energy all day, I'm exhausted." Hailey smirked. "If you weren't soaked already you would have been by the time you've finished giving Freya her bath."_

_Adam laughed. "Me huh?"_

"_Of course. You're just in time."_

_Adam shook his head but it was just for show. The wide smile that spread across his face betrayed his gesture. The truth was Adam lived for every second he got to spend with his daughter, even if it meant being covered in soap suds._

_Sometime later, Adam came back down stairs, still a bit damp from the rain and bath time, but so happy that he didn't care. Hailey was curled on the sofa with a glass of wine and offered one to Adam._

"_Don't mind if I do" he said, sitting down heavily on the other sofa._

"_Is she asleep yet?"_

_Adam poured himself a glass and sank back into the cushions. "Not likely. But give it ten minutes and she'll run out of energy and crash."_

_Imagining her sweet crazy baby girl bouncing about as Adam tried to get her into her pyjamas made Hailey smile. The child absolutely ran rings around both her parents and Hailey wouldn't have it any other way._

"_I'll just go and say goodnight to her" Hailey said, rising from the sofa. "I'll be right back."_

_Adam watched Hailey until she disappeared from view. What was he doing, accepting a glass of wine and making himself comfortable? He didn't live here. He'd kept his promise but now Freya was in bed he should go home. It was still pelting down with rain, but that wasn't the reason Adam didn't want to leave yet. He missed Hailey. He missed her company. He found himself hoping she'd ask him to stay. He didn't want anything to happen between them, he had a girlfriend he cared for. But still, he wanted to stay._

_Hailey came back downstairs a few minutes later. "Here, I found you a dry sweater and a blanket so you don't catch a cold." Hailey tossed the items to Adam. _

_He held up the hoodie and raised an eyebrow at Hailey. "I wondered where this had got to. You've had it all this time?"_

_Hailey blushed. She could have lied and said she had only just found it at the bottom of a closet or something but she and Adam both knew that would have been a lie. Hailey loved this sweater, and used to wear it all the time when they were together. It was just so warm and soft and in days gone by it smelled so strongly of Adam's scent that Hailey found it that extra bit comforting. _

_Adam let it go. He didn't want to embarrass Hailey. He pulled off his damp shirt and t-shirt and slipped the dark green hoodie over his head. "I can't believe our girl is four tomorrow" he said._

_Hailey welcomed the sharp turn in the conversation towards a less awkward topic. "I know. Time has gone so quickly."_

_Adam sipped the wine. It really had. So much had changed in his life in the past five or six years, some days he couldn't believe how much. And yet sitting here with Hailey getting drunk like they did so often when their relationship was still a secret it felt like no time had passed at all._

"_This is good wine" Adam said._

_Hailey took another sip and shrugged. "It's probably one of yours. It's been sitting in the pantry long enough. When do I ever get the opportunity to enjoy a glass of wine?" Hailey saw the look on Adam's face and backtracked. "I didn't mean… It's my choice, alright? Don't go beating yourself up that you don't do enough for us, that's not what I meant."_

_Adam only felt guilty because he knew it was true, but he accepted Hailey's apology and let it go. He didn't want the evening to turn into a fight or a pity party. He wanted to enjoy the wine, the company, and the sound of the rain hammering on the windows._

"_Do you remember that time we drove to the lake and the car broke down in the storm?" Adam laughed at the memory, but at the time it was far from funny._

"_Yeah" Hailey said. "It was probably the least fun night I've had in my life." She caught the glint in Adam's eye at the memory and laughed. "Well, the least fun evening anyway."_

"_I remember the day improving immeasurably once we found a motel" he said. He reached for the wine bottle on the coffee table between them and topped up Hailey's glass and then his own._

_He noticed the way Hailey blushed slightly as she remembered the fun they'd had once the tow truck was called and they were warm and dry. He found it endearing. But strolling down memory lane was dangerous, so Adam changed the subject fast._

"_So, what are your plans for the birthday girl tomorrow? I hate that I couldn't get the day off work."_

"_I'm taking her to soft play in the morning then swimming maybe. It all depends on the weather I guess. Call me when you're finished, I'll let you know where we are."_

_There was a fierce gust of wind and the tree outside the window creaked._

"_It's not safe out there" Hailey said. "You should stay the night. I'll make up the couch."_

_Adam gulped his wine and wouldn't meet her eye. It was a bad idea but he bit his tongue. There was no chance a cab would come out in this weather and he didn't fancy the walk home. He didn't see he had any option but still, bad idea._

"_Sure. Thanks."_

_When Hailey came back from the kitchen a while later with a fresh bottle of wine, she sat down on the same sofa as Adam and popped the cork. He watched her fill their glasses and settled back into the cushions only inches from him._

"_What?" Hailey asked self-consciously, seeing the look on Adam's face._

_If he hadn't had half a bottle of wine inside him, he probably would have made up a lie but he was on his way to drunk and his filter was gone. "Hailey, are you lonely? You've seemed better these past couple of weeks but I still worry about you." Adam's question caught Hailey off guard and now it was she who couldn't look at Adam. He continued, undeterred. The cat was out of the bag now, he might as well run with it. "Do you have people you can talk to?"_

_Hailey hugged her knees. "Yeah, I guess. I have my Mom and my brothers. I still talk to Jay sometimes. And there are the other moms at Freya's pre-school…"_

_Adam tried to decide whether to believe her or not but saw through her too clearly to ignore it. "I've met those women" he said. "Don't tell me you have anything in common with any of them."_

_Hailey smiled. It was true, but she didn't want to admit it. Those women had husbands, other children, nice tame careers. They had lives. Hailey felt like an outsider whenever she was with them, all she had to talk about was Freya and being a cop. "I'm okay Adam. I promise."_

"_Okay. But I'm not sure I entirely believe you. I'll never stop worrying about you, you know."_

"_I appreciate it Adam, but I'm fine. The other week was… a blip."_

_Hailey moved closer to Adam without even realising, so close she could feel his warmth. They were silent, and held each other's gaze for a beat too long. It was probably the wine talking, and maybe she had been starved of adult company lately, but she wanted to kiss him. She closed her eyes to fight the urge. She knew what a moral guy Adam was, he knew how seriously he took the concept of loyalty. If they kissed, it would feel good for a minute, but Adam would be so wracked with guilt over Rachel he wouldn't be able to live with himself._

_Hailey coughed and stood up abruptly. "I think I should go to bed" Hailey said. She turned away._

"_Hailey…"_

_Adam felt the moment come and go too. He was glad Hailey pulled away so he didn't have to. He wanted that kiss too, only for a second, but he couldn't do that to his girlfriend and he couldn't do that to Hailey._

"_It's okay Adam, that was stupid. It's late, I should sleep. I'll go and find you some sheets."_

* * *

"Hey, there you are. I've been looking all over for you." Adam propped the door open with a breeze block someone had left there specifically for that purpose. The breeze hit him in the face as he stepped outside and it was welcome after being inside the hospital for hours.

Rachel turned around slowly and smiled, but went back to staring pensively into her cup of tea. "Hi. How did you know I'd be here?"

Adam stared out at the city from where they stood on the rood of the hospital. "Fiona told me you like to come up here. Are you hiding from me?"

Adam asked it in a jokey way but there was an underlying seed of doubt. Rachel didn't answer. She didn't know how to answer, and that told Adam all he needed to know. Instead she asked "how's Freya?"

"She's doing so good" Adam said. The way his face lit up whenever he talked about his daughter was one of the things Rachel loved best about Adam and the news made her smile too.

"That's good" she said. She really meant it.

"That's why I came to find you. They're getting the paperwork ready to transfer her to Med, we'll be leaving soon. Her cardiologist over there thinks she's well enough for an operation that might fix her heart more long term."

Rachel put her cup down on the ledge and turned to face Adam, putting her hands on his arms. "That's brilliant, Adam. How do you feel?"

Adam gave a nervous laugh. "Terrified. Hailey and I are both scared out of our minds, but we feel we owe it to Freya. Getting hospitalised every couple of months like this is no way for her to live. We have to try."

Rachel didn't say another word, just hugged Adam. She didn't know whether it was her lack of a reply or the tension in her shoulders, but Adam could tell something was wrong and when he pulled away from their embrace there was concern on his face.

"Are you alright?"

Rachel tried to force a smile and nodded. "I'm fine Adam, don't worry about me." Now wasn't the time to share her anxieties and doubts with Adam. He had enough on his mind. But he wasn't convinced by her attempt to deflect his question and pushed little harder.

"No you're not" he said gently, and gave her a small reassuring smile. That only made Rachel feel worse. "You can tell me. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you these past couple of days, I'll try and do better."

Rachel shook her head emphatically. "No Adam, Freya and Hailey need you more. It's amazing that you're there for them so completely. They're your family." Rachel's voice caught in her throat and she turned her face away to compose herself.

Adam watched her curiously. "Freya's my family" he said. "Hailey is… Hailey."

Rachel let out a sigh and gave Adam a small sad smile. "I've seen how you are together. You will always be each other's family."

Adam took a step back to better see Rachel's face. He couldn't read her expression but felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach. "Rachel, Hailey will always be in my life, that's true, Freya ties us together. But I'm with you. I want to be with you."

Rachel wiped her face. She didn't want to cry. She hadn't wanted to do this now, it wasn't fair on Adam, but there was no backing out of it now. "I believe you, Adam. But I also think you can't see what I see. You two are inevitable, and I don't want to get in any deeper because it will only hurt more."

"Are you jealous? Is that it? Because you have to know nothing has happened between me and Hailey since we've been together, I would never do that. I'm not a cheater, that's not who I am."

Rachel placed her hand on Adam's chest and looked deep into his eyes. "I know you're not. You're loyal and compassionate and a wonderful father. You have such a big heart, Adam. I feel lucky that you let me into your life."

"Then why…?"

Rachel cut Adam off because she had to say what she needed to say before she started crying. Because if she started crying, she wouldn't be able to get the words out, and now that she was saying them, she realised how necessary it was that she was honest. However much it hurt.

"Because I'm falling for you. But part of me suspects that whether it takes a week, a month or a year, you and Hailey will realise what you mean to each other and I don't think my heart will be able to take it when you do. I'm not trying to be cruel, I promise. But I..."

Adam shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. Things were good with Rachel, he thought they were good. He knew that he'd been so focussed on Freya since she fell ill that he hadn't been the boyfriend he wanted to be, but he cared for Rachel, he didn't want this to end. "No, listen to me. We tried. Hailey and I tried so hard to make things work, and not just for Freya, for ourselves too. But it _didn't_ work. It was hard but we came to terms with that and we're in a good place." He held Rachel's arms and tried to make her look at him. "Nothing has happened" he said again. "Nothing has changed."

Rachel spoke softly as a tear fell from her eye. "Not yet. But it will, you'll see."

Adam could already feel Rachel pulling away from him and it hurt, but she was headstrong and fearless and knew what she wanted, it was one of the things that attracted him to her in the first place. He knew from experience that once her mind was made up, there was no changing it.

"Rachel, I'm sorry" Adam said, but his mind was a mess and although he wasn't really sure what it was he needed to apologise for, her felt sure there was something he'd done wrong to lead to this moment.

"No Adam. You have nothing to be sorry for. It is what it is."

Adam sighed in frustration. "I have to go back downstairs. But we need to talk, away from here, when things have calmed down. Can we do that? Will you do that for me?"

Rachel wanted to say yes, she felt like the worst person in the world right now, for laying this all on Adam when he was consumed with worry for his daughter. But she didn't think it would help, she felt like it would only be prolonging the suffering. She didn't say no, but her avoidance of Adam's direct question amounted to the same thing. "Good luck, Adam. I really hope this operation works for Freya. She's a special little girl and deserves the world. Will you…" she swallowed, her emotion getting the better of her. "Will you let me know how it goes?"

Adam backed away, and nodded slowly. "I will." He turned to leave, but at the last second turned back around, not satisfied to leave things the way they were. "Rachel, I really care about you. I think we could have something special together. I don't want to give up."

Rachel closed her eyes, but when she opened them again there was a look of quiet resignation on her face. "Bye Adam. Take care of yourself."

On the way back to Freya's ward, Adam walked slowly, his mind racing. He was in shock, honestly, and tried to make sense of what just happened. Rachel had broken up with him. Gently, and sweetly, but the result was still the same. The confusion and shock he felt must have been plain to see on his face because when he got back Hailey knew right away something had happened.

"What's wrong Adam?"

He saw the concern in her eyes and tried to snap himself out of it. He felt guilt for the hundredth time that Hailey was worrying about him when Freya was the one that deserved her focus. He looked at Freya, who was as perky as she had been when he left but had now moved her focus to her dolls and was deep in re-enacting her own little story with them. She chatted to herself happily, oblivious to her parents.

"Nothing. How's the paperwork coming?"

"Almost done, just a few more things for us to sign. They should be ready to transfer her soon." Hailey gently stroked Freya's hair and there was a note of apprehension in her voice. "Are we doing the right thing?"

Adam pushed all his doubts, and worries about what had just happened aside. "Yes. I really believe we are."

He watched Hailey and recognised the same feelings of tenderness and love that had always been there towards her. He didn't think anything had changed, but Rachel's words still rang clear in his mind. Was he missing something? Every day he missed how happy they used to be, but he also remembered that their relationship had ended for many reasons, and none of those reasons had changed. But now he wasn't quite as sure. It scared him to think that maybe they could get back what they had, it scared him to hope. Adam felt torn in two different directions and he honestly had no idea what to do about it. But then Freya held her arms out to him for a cuddle and he realised that none of it mattered.

From the other side of the bed, Hailey watched as he kissed Freya and settled down to join in with her game.

"Are you really okay?" she asked.

He looked up at her and smiled. "As long as Freya is okay, I'm perfect."

* * *

"_Are you okay?" Hailey asked, as Adam fumbled with the door key and the many bags he was carrying as he struggled to open the door. Stuffed animals and balloons, not to mention all the things Hailey had needed for her own stay in hospital, were spilling out of his arms onto the porched and he cursed as he almost dropped the keys._

"_Yeah" he groaned as he hoisted Hailey's bag onto his shoulder. "This damn lock is jammed again. I'll call a locksmith, I promise. Just give me a sec…"_

_Hailey giggled. "Adam." He turned around and the sight of her wide grin was enough to calm his anxiety. Hailey still looked exhausted and weak, but standing on their porch with their brand new baby girl asleep in her car seat, Adam thought that he had never seen Hailey more content and it made him relax immediately._

_Adam sighed and let out a laugh himself. "Sorry. I'm stressing again aren't I?"_

_Hailey didn't need to answer that. "Leave the bags" she said. "Let's get inside."_

_Adam dumped all he was carrying on the porch and unlocked the door with ease. He took a moment, standing on the threshold of their home and their new life, to appreciate what he had and what he had so very nearly lost. He peered at Freya's peaceful face and crouched down to speak to her in a whisper. "Are you ready to see your home, sweet girl?"_

_A look passed between Adam and Hailey. They were bringing their baby home. There was a minute there when neither of them believed this would happen. Freya was well enough to go home. That was everything._

_Adam took the carrier as they stepped inside and Hailey made a beeline for the sofa. She sank into the soft cushions with a sigh and closed her eyes._

"_Can I get you anything?" Adam said, anxious to look after her and make sure she was comfortable._

"_Come and sit down" Hailey said. She reached for him and he didn't need any more encouragement. Adam put Freya's carrier on the coffee table facing them and settled down beside Hailey. He wrapped his arm around Hailey's shoulders and they watched their daughter sleep, their heads pressed together. It took a minute for Adam to realise Hailey was crying. _

"_They're happy tears" she said, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "I promise. She's home. I never thought…"_

_Adam kissed the side of her head and held her a little bit tighter. "I know."_

_Hailey sniffed but turned to look up at Adam, caressing his cheek with her palm. "How are you feeling Daddy?"_

"_I've never been happier." Adam closed his eyes, savouring the moment. This was it. Life would never been the same again and he couldn't wait for the journey to begin._

* * *

_There you go. Fixed it! Kind of. I needed do something for my own poor little broken shipper heart before the new season starts. Upzek forever! In my head anyway._


End file.
